Simply K

“Suffering isn’t caused by pain alone. It’s caused by pain combined with resistance. Pain is part of being alive. Resistance is the mental refusal to accept what already exists. When we argue with reality, the nervous system stays in fight-or-flight, amplifying stress, anxiety, and emotional pain. Drop resistance and pain becomes temporary information rather than a permanent story. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what happened. It means stopping the internal war so healing can begin.” ✨

The idea

Suffering = Pain × Resistance

Pain is inevitable.

Resistance is optional.

Suffering is what happens when the two shake hands.

Pain is the event. Resistance is the argument you have with reality about the event.

When resistance goes up, suffering explodes. When resistance drops, pain stays pain and then… passes.

What “resistance” actually means

Psychologically, resistance is:

Denial Rumination “This shouldn’t be happening” Replaying the story Making it personal Fighting what already is

Your nervous system reads resistance as threat, not discomfort. Cortisol stays high. Stress loops stay open.

Pain says “this hurts.”

Resistance says “this must stop now or I’m unsafe.”

Your brain panics. Welcome to suffering.

Simple examples

1. Physical pain

You tweak your back. Pain: sharp, unpleasant, real. Resistance: “Why me? This ruins everything. I’m getting old. This is bullshit.”

Result:

Muscle tension increases, pain perception intensifies, recovery slows.

Same injury, different response:

“Okay. This hurts. I’ll adapt.”

Pain stays. Suffering drops.

Science bit: resistance increases muscle guarding and pain sensitivity via the amygdala. Acceptance activates the parasympathetic system and lowers perceived pain.

2. Emotional pain

Someone disappoints you. Pain: sadness, anger, frustration. Resistance: replaying texts, imagining arguments, needing them to be different.

That looping is the suffering.

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval.

It means dropping the fight with the fact.

Pain still exists. The suffering stops feeding.

3. Business or money

A deal fails. Pain: loss, stress, ego bruise. Resistance: “This shouldn’t have happened. If only. What if.”

You suffer twice:

Once when it happened Again every time you replay it

High performers feel pain quickly and move on fast. That’s not emotional coldness. That’s nervous system regulation.

4. ADHD-specific example

You procrastinate. Pain: anxiety about the task. Resistance: shame, self-talk, identity stories (“I’m broken”)

The task hurts a bit.

The story hurts a lot.

Drop the story, do a small action, suffering collapses.

The brutal truth

Pain without resistance is information.

Pain with resistance becomes identity.

That’s when people say:

“This always happens to me” “I’m just unlucky” “Life is against me”

No. Your brain is just wrestling reality instead of adapting to it.

Pub talk version (clean, memorable)

Use this when someone’s moaning into their third drink:

“Pain’s unavoidable. But suffering is pain multiplied by resistance.

The more you fight what already happened, the more it fucks you up.

Accept fast, adapt fast. That’s the whole game.”

If you want to sound wiser and slightly dangerous:

“Pain hits everyone. Suffering is optional.

It’s just pain arguing with reality.”

Pause. Sip. Let them think you read something ancient.

Final science nugget

Neuroscience shows that acceptance-based responses reduce activity in the default mode network, the part of the brain responsible for rumination and self-referential suffering. Less mental noise. Less suffering.

In plain English: stop arguing with reality and your brain calms the hell down.

That’s not spirituality. That’s physiology.